Hello Puerto Rico, Goodbye Rules

"There are no rules in Puerto Rico!"  This became my mantra over a wonderful 10 day trip to La Isla Del Encanto.

Bienvenidos a Puerto Rico!  The flags of El Morro greet visitors to Viejo San Juan.

While Puerto Rico obviously has rules (it is a possession of the United States and is, therefore, governed by our constitution and federal law), those rules seem to be relaxed at best.  One's first experience with this perceived lackadaisical application of rules (and common sense for that matter) occurs as soon as one leaves the airport and hits the open roads.  People pass on whatever side they feel like.  They drive 20 below the speed limit in the left lane.  The minute you pass someone, they speed up to prevent you from getting around the next car despite the fact that they were traveling 20 mph below the speed limit until you passed them.

I come from Toledo, you know, the Michigan part of Ohio.  I consider myself a Michigan man.  We have rules here.  Those rules are enforced by police and often by other motorists.  Take, for example, the average drive to Northern Michigan in the winter.  The speed limit on most Michigan highways is 70mph.  You DO NOT enter the left lane unless you are doing about 80mph.  If you try, some yahoo in an F-250 towing a giant trailer filled with snow mobiles will tailgate you.  He remains firmly on your ass until you move over to the lane in which you are supposed to travel: the right.  Remember, this is all being done on roads that are often covered in snow and ice.  God, I love Michigan.

Such common sense does not exist on the roads of Puerto Rico.  People drive where ever and however they see fit.  This is made especially enjoyable when driving on the back mountain roads of Puerto Rico.  These roads are narrow, winding, and often rutted.  They take you to wonderful places if you survive the drive, but survival is never guaranteed.  Just a few years ago, my dad almost drove us off a cliff (literally) trying to get around some asshole who parked in the middle of the road.  We had to use every ounce of ingenuity to avoid catastrophe and get the car back on the road.  We survived that day and laughed about the event over some cold Medallas, the official beer of PR.

Sweet liquor eases the pain.  Medalla and a Mojito after a tough day of driving in PR.

A brew and a view if you make it up the mountain.  (This is a Dominican beer, not a PR beer.  It still tasted great.)

We survived our trip from the airport courtesy of Salty Dog's native driving skills.  I learned some new Spanish profanity that day.  After driving over the mountains and down along the southern coast, we arrived in Ponce, La Perla del Sur (The Pearl of the South).  This is where Salty Dog grew up.

I love Ponce.  It has a fraction of the chaos of San Juan and very few stateside tourists.  There is a wonderful art museum that is generally regarded as the best in the Caribbean.  The downtown is filled with beautiful restored homes, a plaza containing the Ponce Cathedral and the Parque de Bombas.  Parque de Bombas was a fire station for years, but is now a museum celebrating the storied and heroic history of Ponce's firefighters.  The building itself is impossible to miss.

Parque de Bombas, Ponce

La Cruceta El Vigia

Sitting high above the city is the Cruceta El Vigia and the Serralles Castle.  The hill upon which these impressive structures are built is also home to the vacant Hotel Intercontinental Ponce.  This hotel, with its commanding views of the valley and sea, was one of the hottest spots in the Caribbean for years.  Now it sits vacant and abandoned, though it is owned by a group of Ponce investors who hope to restore it at some point in the undetermined future.

When Ponce was first settled, one man would be stationed on top of the hill and would raise flags for those in the town below to alert them if the ships approaching the coast were friendly or otherwise.  Merchants would also rely on these flags to determine if their shipments were arriving. The spot is now a tourist destination with a viewing deck to let you soak in that Caribbean grandeur. 

Salty Dog y su madre learning about the Castle.

The Serralles Castle sits just below La Cruceta on the same hill.  This sprawling, opulent mansion was the home of Juan Serralles, the founder of Don Q Rum.  (This is the ONLY rum served in our house.  Bacardi is crap.)  He built the home so that he could oversee the sugar cane fields and town below.  The home is now a museum and weddings are frequently held on its grounds.  If you find yourself in Ponce, take a trip up the mountain and see this place for yourself.  The views alone are worth the modest entry fee.

Aside from being used as a museum, the castle hosts private events.  Weddings, corporate events, and assorted other parties are held here throughout the year.  If you are considering a Caribbean wedding and don't want the hassle of the tourist traps, this is a venue worth exploring.


A wedding was the purpose of our trip to Puerto Rico this time around.  Salty Dog's sister was getting married to her childhood sweetheart, Dr. Pedro.  The wedding was adorned with all of the customary nuances.  Most importantly, the bride looked beautiful and the groom was ecstatic.  A live band played throughout the night, encouraging all in attendance to shake their booties.  Yours truly even had the privilege of a dance with Elizabeth Rodriguez, the actress.  She was very sweet and beautiful.

The wedding party.  One of the 18,000 pictures taken in the church that afternoon. 

Due to a minor mishap with family travel plans, I was asked to stand in as a groomsman.  The last minute tux rental proved to be no big deal, especially with the expert eye of my father in law.  I tried to look good as I posed for family picture after family picture.  One thing of note, it seems there is a major difference between the schedule of weddings in PR and the US.  Here, bride and groom proceed down the aisle and the guests are sent away after the ceremony to go enjoy cocktails.  In PR, the entire group of guests sat in the pews of the church until family pictures were taken.  It was only after everyone had their picture taken that the bride and groom walked down the aisle as hubby and wife.  Then came the drinking!

It was a wonderful time.  The food was good and the music was great.  I was thrilled to see a girl in a bright yellow dress with blue adornments.  It was a dress that every classy lady Michigan fan should own.  I've included a photo with the dress.

Best non-UM approved UM dress EVER!  Can you guess which one I'm talking about?

The happy groom with his beloved's garter.

Where is that garter?

The cake was incredible.  Guava jelly filled!

A regal venue at the old Ponce Casino.

The reception was a whirlwind.  I drank "several" Ron Barralito's and Coke.  Barralito is another Puerto Rican rum of the dark variety.  It has a very smooth taste and pairs very well with Coke and lime.  I literally danced my butt off throughout the night.  My hips were sore the next morning.  Salty Dog's family could be heard commenting how this gringo could really shake his hips like a Puerto Rican.  I was honored.  We ate a locally made cake filled with guava jelly.  I wasn't sure if I would like it, but I ended up going back for seconds...and thirds...and some more after we got home from the reception.

Once our family obligations with the wedding were over, SD and I decided to explore her home island and see what could be seen.  Our first stop was Platano Supreme.

Find this place outside Rincon.  You'll be happy you did.

Be your own super hero at Platano Supreme!

Dry Fly chows down on sopa de platano, carne frita, mofongo, fried yucca, and platano sorullos! 

This little restaurant outside of Rincon serves everything Platano.  They have plantain soup, tostones, mofongo and other comidas crillollas, otherwise know as local food.  The highlight of this restaurant, however, is the platano sandwich.  For those with gluten issues, this is a delicious fresh made sandwich between two slices of fried plantain instead of bread.  We have eaten many plantains in our day, but this was the first time we had seen such a creative use of this tannic starch.  We were filled up and ready to explore some more after such a delicious meal.

Next stop was Rincon.  This is a famous surf spot several months of the year.  While we were there, the surf was not up, but we were able to explore the town a bit.  We had a few beers and wandered around on the beach.  The area is beautiful and a worthwhile trip, even if you don't surf.  Just off the coast you can see Mona Island, which is home to (almost) as many endangered species as the Galapagos. The beaches were clean and you could see the waves breaking over the immense coral reefs just offshore.

Hang ten and grab an American microbrew at Maria's Surf Bar in Rincon Beach. 

A little beach on the southwest coast in Boqueron.  Que bonita

Drinking beer on the beach in Rincon while the storms were rolling in.

Maria's Beach Bar.  Rincon, PR

We next traveled to our local hangout of La Parguera.  Parguera is home to one of the most active bio-luminescent bays in Puerto Rico. The little organisms light up when you put a hand or paddle in the water.  While we haven't seen this up close yet, it is on our schedule for future trips.  Parguera is also home to numerous reefs and mangrove islands and is considered by experts to be one of the top diving destinations in the world.  We mostly hung out on the dock and did a little fishing.  DF caught a baby tarpon on a fly after chumming the water with some salami and cheese.  The fish surprisingly love that stuff.  Spoiled fish.  We also rented a yola (local boat) and went for a trip around the mangrove islands.  It was a fun-filled two days and we got to sleep on the water each night at the family dock house.

We took turns driving.

The view from Mata la Gata.

By jove, I've caught a Tarpon.  (Look hard, it's there.)

On the flats.  Man, is this water clear!

 Following all this fun, we had to head back to Ponce.  With the family in town from Cali and assorted other points north, we decided to take a "10 minute" drive to Starlight El Original in the mountains around Adjuntas.  10 minutes is the time that Salty Dog told us it would take to get to Starlight on our first trip there.  That time, we were with my parents on their first trip to Puerto Rico.  Roughly an hour later, after driving winding mountain roads through a torrential downpour, we made it to Starlight.  Now, whenever we go, I also ask SD if it's only ten minutes away.  She remains adamant that it is.

Don't miss the entrance to this place!  Open air dining at its best.

Here's the number, just in case you want to call ahead.

The menu is two pages.  What they do, they do well.

 If you do want to try this place, it is best to talk to someone who knows and can get you there.  They have a facebook page, but the address doesn't register with Google maps.  You basically just have to drive around on winding roads near Adjuntas until you find it.  If you find it, you'll be happy you did.  Drink a few ice cold Medallas and enjoy the carne frita, mofongo, and sorullos.  Sorullos are the best thing ever to come out of PR, other than Salty Dog.  These little fried corn sticks are served with mayo-ketchup (a PR specialty).  I eat a ton of these things while in PR.

We had such a great time on our trip and the hurricanes didn't mess with us.  We always look forward to going to PR.  We don't so much look forward to the forced diet we begin upon our return home.  The food, the beer and the people of PR are not to be missed.  That's why they say, "Puerto Rico Lo Hace Mejor!"  Have a great time and brush up on your Spanish!  Most importantly, remember to relax because there aren't any real rules here, just guidelines that are summarily ignored.  Coño!