Hoppy Friday! Pure Genius.

Beer has been around for a while (ca. 9500 BC).  Beer genius is a slightly newer phenomenon (ca. 2004).

From these tanks, all good beer comes.

You wouldn't think twice looking at Joseph R. ("Joe") Short.  At first glance, one might think he's a hipster skirting the paradigm of conventional wisdom in Northern Michigan.  He rocks some pretty outstanding facial hair, but is otherwise physically unremarkable.  While his initial appearance may seem quotidian, this guy is to beer what Che Guevara was to post-colonial Latin America.  Amongst his brewery team, genius is a term utilized frequently but not used lightly to describe the paternalis of Short's Brewing. 

Salty Dog and I had the distinct privilege of visiting Short's Brewing Company's brewing and distribution facility in Elk Rapids, Michigan.  While Short's was started "By People Who Care in Bellaire, MI", the discerning palates of Michiganders demanded more than the small facility in Bellaire could provide.  Ergo, the streamlined operation of Short's Brewing Company in Elk Rapids, MI was born.  Despite this growing operation, Short's remains committed to creating a Michigan product.  Short's Beer cannot be found outside of Michigan and the brain/beer trust at Short's doesn't see fit to change that any time soon.

Sweet, hallowed hall of beer, how I would love to bask in your warm, fermented glow on a regular basis.   The fermentation vessels and conditioning tanks at Short's Elk Rapids facility.  Note the catwalks above; creating easier access for late fermentation additives like dry and wet hopping.

If you are oblivious to Short's Brewing, you simply have no concept of how far craft brewing has come in the past 20 years.  While many brewers boast superb craft brews in the traditional styles of English Style Ales, Lagers, Pilsners, IPAs, Pale Ales, Porters and Stouts; Short's has taken everything light years beyond conventional wisdom.  While Short's creates many of the traditional brew styles favored by connoisseurs , Short's stands alone in its ability to create never-before-tasted brew creations.

The lauter tun and brew kettle at Short's.  Got Wort?

Sine qua non.  No malt, no beer.  Raw product in the mill room at Short's.

Take, for example, Short's Bloody Beer.  This specialty beer is fermented with roma tomatoes and spiced with tellicherry peppercorns, celery seed, fresh horseradish and dill.  Who the hell thinks of this stuff?  Joe Short & Co., that's who.  And it tastes pretty good!

In addition to this lycopene laden brew, Short's crafts beer fermented with berries (Soft Parade) or peaches (Peaches 'n Creme) or locally grown fresh hops (Kind Ale).  The good folks at Woodford Reserve also send Short's their used oak barrels to cask condition their bourbon flavored ales.

Craft beer and craft bourbon: a match made in heaven or hell?  Discuss.

Cold storage, including some tasty cerveza being aged in
Woodford casks.

You can't taste any Short's Brew at the Elk Rapids facility.  Not yet, at least.  Plans exist for Short's to create a tasting room of sorts.  No firm date on when it will open, but when it does it'll be open 3 seasons of the year.  Winter will miss out on the bier garten fun.  Most intriguing about this new location, the staff at Short's bought their founder a mini brew system to allow him to experiment however he sees fit.  They plan on having a micro-batch creation each week based upon the whim and fancy of Joe Short.  Now, that sounds exciting.

The brewpub in Bellaire always has ~20 beers on tap.  All of the beers on tap in the Bellaire facility have been brewed within 100 ft. of where you're drinking them.  While the beer is always phenomenal, the food is a treat easily overlooked.

The last time we journeyed to the Bellaire pub, my brother's wife was upset with me.  She wasn't upset with the time needed to get to Bellaire from Petoskey (45 min).  She wasn't upset with the company's take on kids in the bar (Encouraged, so long as accompanied by an adult and not in the pub at night.)  She was upset because she mistakenly believed that the only menu items were those listed on the chalkboard next to the registers.  Despite the fact that her legal genius husband picked up the menu and pondered its meaning, they believed Short's only offered 3 menu items and a pizza.  Seriously?!?!  I mean, seriously?!?!!  You were holding the menu, bro!  (On our most recent trip, the helpful young woman behind the counter reminded us the full menu was in the record jacket looking things in front of the register.)

Why is she with me, you ask.   Because: I feed her delicious, high gravity craft beer fermented with peaches

I'm not really a lawyer, I just play one on this blog.

Had my dear brother opened the menu he was holding, he would have discovered a plethora of tasty treats.  Curiously, all of the menu items are named after songs by the band Ween.  Puerto Rican Power is a perennial favorite for obvious reasons.  Sketches of Winkle and Flutes of Chi also generate greedy smacking of lips.  Despite these staple item's availability, failure to peruse the constantly changing daily offering could result in remorseful second guessing of one's culinary choice.

YOU MUST TRY THE MAC AND CHEESE!!!!!!  Every day, the gastronomic wizards at Short's create a new variety of mac n' cheese.  We've had blue cheese and pancetta, a gorgonzola variety and something involving gouda.  This most recent trip, however, provided the best mac 'n cheese ever created....EVER!!!!  Bacon Cheeseburger Mac 'n Cheese.  Genius!  Just eat it.  You'll be so happy you did... unless you're on a diet.  Then, you'll kick yourself for eating it until you blissfully drift into contentedness induced by the sheer ecstasy of what you just ate.

Bacon Cheeseburger Mac 'n Cheese.  Eat it.  You can thank us later.

Short's is not, however, without controversy.  Some of their tag lines and beer names have not been universally embraced.  My personal favorite is the old tag line of Soft Parade, "Ye Olde Leg Spreader."  Soft Parade is a rye ale, flavored with an assortment of berries.  A certain beer drinking demographic liked it, hence the name.  A certain other demographic didn't like the name, hence the change.

Another notable instance of political correctness in the craft beer world is Short's ControversiALE.  My mom had grabbed us some tickets to the Robert Emmet Society event at the City Park Grill in Petoskey, Michigan this evening.  The county within which Petoskey sits is named after Emmet. Emmet was an Irish rebel who was hung, drawn, quartered and beheaded by the British in the early 1800's for asserting the then-controversial point that Ireland should be a sovereign; separate and distinct from Great Britain.  Suffice it to say, the Brits didn't much care for his position.  He is celebrated because, honestly, who doesn't like an Irish rebel. The money raised at the event goes to send a student to study in Ireland for the semester.  Now, please enjoy some bagpipes.

Anyway, while at the City Park Grill I noticed a Short's beer that I'd never seen before; Hangin' Frank Pale Ale.  Curious, I ordered one.  The grapefruit nose was familiar to me.  I felt that I'd sampled this libation on prior occasions, but I'd certainly never before heard of Hangin' Frank Pale Ale.  Due to the dedicated beer liberation efforts of Short's team, our waitress informed me that Hangin' Frank Pale Ale is otherwise referred to as ControversiALE.

The only place in America you can find Hangin' Frank Pale Ale.  City Park Grill.  Petoskey, MI

Papa drank at the City Park Grill (formerly The Annex).  You should too.  A spot at the bar literally has his name on it.

According to our server, only the City Park Grill is permitted to refer to this beer as Hangin' Frank.  Frank was a former owner of the City Park Grill many years ago when it was named the Grill Cafe.  He hung himself in the basement.  Apparently, Short's originally called the brew Hangin' Frank, but certain elements decided that the name was inappropriate.  Being controversial, the folks at Short's decided that an appropriate and obvious name was ControversiALE.  Despite this downward departure for the politically correct, the City Park Grill retained the right to call it Hangin' Frank and remains the only establishment allowed to call the brew by its Christian name.

Yeah, that's right.  They have an awesome truck, too.

Please, drink good beer.

Thanks to all at Short's for showing us such a great time today.  We learned a thing or two and had some fun.  Keep making great beer!

Fuck You, Guy Fieri!

I suspect that many of you have seen the show, "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives."  If you haven't seen this show, the premise is quite simple.  Some dude named Guy Fieri travels around the country and visits eating establishments which fall under the titular categories.  Upon arrival, he speaks loudly and eats two bites from a few of the eatery's dishes, says wow, and moves on to the next place.  Always clad in an aloha shirt, or some equally obnoxious equivalent, Guy's main trademark is spiky white hair that looks like it was stolen from a militant lesbian gym instructor and a matching goatee.

Now I don't have any issues with any of the above.  My only real issue with this ass-clown is that he hasn't been to Toledo to try some of our local eats.  Growing up, I was always told that Toledo has more restaurants per capita than any city in the US.  While I have no concept of the veracity of this statement, I know for certain that we have a lot of places to eat in Toledo.

In fairness, many of the restaurants we have here are complete shit.  This fact is not surprising given that many of my fellow Toledoans are morbidly obese and the all you can eat buffets seem to be well populated at any given time.  Quantity over quality seems to be a pervasive theme here.  Now I'm no svelte supermodel, but dammit all if I don't try to eat healthy most of the time.

But back to Mr. Fieri... as I said, my main issue with this guy is that he hasn't come to Toledo to try any of our myriad dining establishments.  I'm not sure why this is so, but the fact remains, he has never been here.  In an effort to fill what I deem to be a gaping void in the culinary map, I submit the following list of my top 3 diners, drive-ins or dives in the Toledo area.  (This should not be interpreted as the best eats in Toledo, but the best eats which could realistically be classified in one of the aforementioned catergories.)

3.  Schmuckers:  2103 N. Reynolds Road.  This is a Toledo establishment and must be included in any list where dive is a category.  While this is the last place one should go if on a diet, the food is definitely worth the trip.  This is especially so when a meal is completed (or made) with a giant, diabetes inducing slice of their chocolate peanut butter pie (or any other slice of about 20 varieties).

2.  Star of India:  415 S. Reynolds Rd.  Walking into this restaurant two things will grab the diners attention.  First, this place smells awesome.  The owners cook everything from scratch and it comes through in the taste.  Second, the entire place is still the chromed out, retro diner from years past when it was called Dudley's Diner and served burgers and fries instead of Korma, Bhuna, and naan.  The owners are very friendly and will adjust spiciness to suit one's palate.  While they have only been around a short time, they are making an impression on the Toledo food scene.

1.  San Marco Taqueria & Mercado:  235 Broadway.  This place is a real gem.  In order to enter the restaurant, you have to pass through the mercado where they sell everything you could imagine a Mexican market would sell.  They also have fresh made chicharones, also known as pork rinds.  These aren't the bagged pork rinds you get in the store, but actual pig skin, deep fried and otherwise unadulterated.

Walking into the restaurant, you are bombarded by a color wheel explosion courtesy of the bright decor which puts you in a Cabo state of mind.  That's before you even eat the food.  The salsas are freshly made, along with everything else in the taqueria.  Portions are generous.  We usually start with some salsa and chile con queso.  While I try to sample everything on the menu, I usually stick with the burrito.  These topping stuffed tortillas are a thing on wonder.  I almost never finish mine.  One can choose between beef, chicken, carnitas, or my favorite, carne asada.  If you haven't been here yet, do yourself a favor and check it out.

 This young lady enjoys a big as your head burrito and glass of Sangria at San Marcos.

As for you Mr. Fieri, until you visit our fair city and try some of our food, I have but two words for you.  Fuck You!