Fuck You, Guy Fieri!

I suspect that many of you have seen the show, "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives."  If you haven't seen this show, the premise is quite simple.  Some dude named Guy Fieri travels around the country and visits eating establishments which fall under the titular categories.  Upon arrival, he speaks loudly and eats two bites from a few of the eatery's dishes, says wow, and moves on to the next place.  Always clad in an aloha shirt, or some equally obnoxious equivalent, Guy's main trademark is spiky white hair that looks like it was stolen from a militant lesbian gym instructor and a matching goatee.

Now I don't have any issues with any of the above.  My only real issue with this ass-clown is that he hasn't been to Toledo to try some of our local eats.  Growing up, I was always told that Toledo has more restaurants per capita than any city in the US.  While I have no concept of the veracity of this statement, I know for certain that we have a lot of places to eat in Toledo.

In fairness, many of the restaurants we have here are complete shit.  This fact is not surprising given that many of my fellow Toledoans are morbidly obese and the all you can eat buffets seem to be well populated at any given time.  Quantity over quality seems to be a pervasive theme here.  Now I'm no svelte supermodel, but dammit all if I don't try to eat healthy most of the time.

But back to Mr. Fieri... as I said, my main issue with this guy is that he hasn't come to Toledo to try any of our myriad dining establishments.  I'm not sure why this is so, but the fact remains, he has never been here.  In an effort to fill what I deem to be a gaping void in the culinary map, I submit the following list of my top 3 diners, drive-ins or dives in the Toledo area.  (This should not be interpreted as the best eats in Toledo, but the best eats which could realistically be classified in one of the aforementioned catergories.)

3.  Schmuckers:  2103 N. Reynolds Road.  This is a Toledo establishment and must be included in any list where dive is a category.  While this is the last place one should go if on a diet, the food is definitely worth the trip.  This is especially so when a meal is completed (or made) with a giant, diabetes inducing slice of their chocolate peanut butter pie (or any other slice of about 20 varieties).

2.  Star of India:  415 S. Reynolds Rd.  Walking into this restaurant two things will grab the diners attention.  First, this place smells awesome.  The owners cook everything from scratch and it comes through in the taste.  Second, the entire place is still the chromed out, retro diner from years past when it was called Dudley's Diner and served burgers and fries instead of Korma, Bhuna, and naan.  The owners are very friendly and will adjust spiciness to suit one's palate.  While they have only been around a short time, they are making an impression on the Toledo food scene.

1.  San Marco Taqueria & Mercado:  235 Broadway.  This place is a real gem.  In order to enter the restaurant, you have to pass through the mercado where they sell everything you could imagine a Mexican market would sell.  They also have fresh made chicharones, also known as pork rinds.  These aren't the bagged pork rinds you get in the store, but actual pig skin, deep fried and otherwise unadulterated.

Walking into the restaurant, you are bombarded by a color wheel explosion courtesy of the bright decor which puts you in a Cabo state of mind.  That's before you even eat the food.  The salsas are freshly made, along with everything else in the taqueria.  Portions are generous.  We usually start with some salsa and chile con queso.  While I try to sample everything on the menu, I usually stick with the burrito.  These topping stuffed tortillas are a thing on wonder.  I almost never finish mine.  One can choose between beef, chicken, carnitas, or my favorite, carne asada.  If you haven't been here yet, do yourself a favor and check it out.

 This young lady enjoys a big as your head burrito and glass of Sangria at San Marcos.

As for you Mr. Fieri, until you visit our fair city and try some of our food, I have but two words for you.  Fuck You!